The Lagom Way: A Guide to the Swedish Art of Balanced Living

Aboard the SS Drottingholm in 1931, during the bleakest days of the Great Depression, a young woman named Linnea waved farewell to the familiarity of her Swedish homeland and turned to face the uncertain promise of the American dream waiting across the Atlantic.

SS Drottingholm

Linnea (left) with new friends, 1931

After making her way from New York City to Los Angeles, she found work as a waitress at A Bit of Sweden on Sunset Boulevard — a haven for homesick Scandinavian immigrants seeking the traditional smörgåsbord, a buffet offering a variety of hot and cold meats, salads, hors d’oeuvres, bread and beverages.

Linnea would eventually fall in love, marry, and have a child — a boy who would one day father nine children of his own, including me.

My father's childhood, shaped by his own father's absence and the frugal lifestyle provided by a single working mother, left an indelible mark and stoked an ember of desire that would eventually fuel his rise to the peak of his profession.

But even with his success and wealth, he never felt like he was good enough, respected enough, rich enough, perhaps even loved enough. He had several cars, but others had better cars. He had a yacht, but others had bigger yachts. He had a wife, but... Well, you get the idea. When nothing is enough, you’re always chasing more.

Like so many dreams built on foundations of insecurity, his proved unsustainable. The empire he built, spurred by childhood loneliness and ambition, slowly eroded like a sandcastle caught in the rising tide.

In the end, he discovered too late the most precious commodity of all isn't money or fame or even adoration, but time.

After he fell ill, he confessed he regretted spending too much time away from us when we were young, but feared that if he didn’t put everything he had into his career, it all would've been taken away. He didn’t realize that holding on too tightly can also cause the things you cherish to slip from your grasp.

Despite his regrets and the downturn in his career, his last bit of advice to me was, “Be bold.”

I’ve had a lot of time to think about what that means. For him, it meant having no fear; going for it and achieving your dreams at any cost.

But there is another kind of boldness, one that's less lauded and rewarded by society: looking inward instead of outside ourselves to discover where our true nourishment lies, and knowing when to say, "This is enough for me."

It's the wisdom my grandmother grew up with in Malmö, and it's how she chose to live her life. It comes from a philosophy called lagom.

What is Lagom?

Lagom (pronounced "LAH-gom") is more than just a word—it's woven into the fabric of Swedish culture. While it doesn't have a direct English translation, it essentially means "just the right amount" or "in perfect balance." It's that sweet spot between excess and scarcity, between too much and too little.

The Origins of Lagom

Some sources claim the term Lagom comes from the Swedish phrase "laget om," meaning "around the team," historically referring to the practice of passing a drinking horn around a group so everyone got their fair share, while others dispute this, asserting that lagom more likely derives from an older Swedish term that means "according to law."

Whatever its origin, the concept has gained renewed relevance as people seek alternatives to the exhausting cycle of overwork and overconsumption.

Applying Lagom in Daily Life

According to Linnea Dunne's influential book "Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living," this philosophy isn't about settling for less – it's about finding your personal optimal state. Lagom doesn't prescribe a specific aesthetic or lifestyle. Instead, it encourages individuals to discover their own version of "enough."

The beauty of lagom lies in its versatility and its power to help us recenter our lives. It can be applied to virtually every aspect of existence:

In our homes, lagom might mean choosing furniture and decorations that create comfort and functionality without excess. It's about creating spaces that feel "just right"—neither cluttered nor sterile.

In our work lives, lagom encourages finding balance between ambition and contentment. It's about working hard without burning out, being productive without becoming a workaholic, and knowing when to stop and rest.

In our relationships, lagom suggests maintaining healthy boundaries while staying connected. It's about being present without being overwhelming, supportive without being intrusive.

Lagom in Professional Life

Research from the Stockholm School of Economics suggests that companies embracing Lagom-inspired policies, including Sweden's standard six-hour workday experiments, often see improved productivity and employee satisfaction. Key applications include:

- Setting clear boundaries between work and personal time for a better work-life balance

- Taking regular, meaningful breaks (the Swedish "fika" coffee break tradition)

- Pursuing sustainable growth over explosive scaling

- Maintaining a collaborative rather than competitive workplace culture

The Family Sphere: Finding Your Balance

In "The Nordic Theory of Everything," Anu Partanen explores how Scandinavian societies apply Lagom principles to family life. This manifests in several ways:

- Quality family time without overscheduling

- Balanced approach to children's activities and education

- Shared household responsibilities

- Conscious consumption and sustainable living practices

Personal Development and Self-Care

Recent psychological research, including studies from the University of Gothenburg, suggests that moderate approaches to self-improvement often yield better long-term results than extreme transformations. Lagom encourages:

- Sustainable exercise routines over intense crash diets

- Gradual skill development rather than cramming

- Regular social interaction without exhausting networking

- Conscious consumption of media and technology

Love and Relationships

Lagom principles can strengthen romantic partnerships. The Swedish lifestyle philosophy encourages:

- Balanced independence within relationships

- Realistic expectations for partnership

- Healthy conflict resolution

- Sustainable intimacy rather than dramatic passion

Modern Applications and Research

Recent studies in positive psychology, including work by Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, align with many Lagom principles, suggesting that sustainable happiness comes from finding the right balance rather than pursuing extremes. The 2023 World Happiness Report also notes that Scandinavian countries consistently rank among the happiest nations, partly due to cultural values like Lagom.

Implementing Lagom in Daily Life

Starting small is key to adopting Lagom principles. Consider:

- Analyzing your current time allocation

- Identifying areas of excess or deficiency

- Making gradual adjustments rather than dramatic changes

- Regular reflection on what "enough" means for you

Lagom and Sustainability

One of the most compelling aspects of lagom is its natural alignment with environmental consciousness. In an age where overconsumption threatens our planet's resources, lagom offers a framework for sustainable living that doesn't feel like sacrifice. It's about taking what we need while ensuring there's enough for others and for future generations.

Common Misconceptions

It's important to note that lagom isn't about enforced mediocrity or settling for less. Critics sometimes misinterpret it as promoting blandness or discouraging excellence. Nothing could be further from the truth. Lagom is about finding your own personal balance point—which might be different from someone else's—and being content with it.

Embracing lagom is a paradigm shift, pulling focus away from comparison to others and returning the focus on one's own life and to what's truly important; to be bold enough to say when enough is enough.

Why I'm Starting This Blog

This blog will be a space to explore lagom in all its facets—from practical applications in daily life to deeper philosophical implications. I'll share personal experiences, interview practitioners of lagom, and investigate how this ancient wisdom can help us navigate modern challenges.

My goal isn't to present lagom as a perfect solution to life's complexities, but rather as a lens through which we can examine our choices and perhaps find better balance in our lives. I believe that in our fast-paced, often overwhelming world, the principle of "just enough" might be exactly what we need.

Looking Forward

In the coming weeks and months, we'll explore various aspects of lagom: its role in workplace culture, in design, its impact on personal relationships, and its potential for promoting sustainable living. We'll look at practical ways to incorporate lagom into our daily routines and examine how different cultures around the world embrace similar concepts. We'll also be looking at mindfulness and movement techniques, recipes and sustainable products, as well as other points of interest that readers might find useful.

I invite you to join me on this journey of exploration and discovery. Whether you're seeking better work-life balance, more sustainable living practices, or simply curious about alternative approaches to life, I hope you'll find value in these discussions about finding your own "just right."

After all, in a world that often pushes us to extremes, maybe the most radical act is saying no, and finding our own balance. Welcome to my blog about lagom—let's discover what "just right" means for each of us.

What aspects of lagom interest you most? How do you find balance in your own life? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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